My wife made me promise I wouldn't put her in a home but I had no other choice

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my wife was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, she made me promise that I’d never put her in a home.

But when I was struggling to cope with her condition on my own, I had no other choice.

While she seems pretty happy, I still feel so guilty.

I’m 72, and my wife’s 68. She was diagnosed five years ago.

After her diagnosis, she begged me to let her see out her days at home, where we’ve lived for the last 20 years.

But at the start of the year, things started to get really tough.

Her physical mobility was declining at a fast rate, and the dementia was kicking in too.

I had nurses come in to help, but soon that wasn’t enough.

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The home is lovely, and she’s made loads of friends, but I still feel guilty for breaking that promise.

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since she moved.

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DEAR DEIDRE

KEEP YOUR DISTANCE

WAITING GAME

DEIDRE SAYS: You looked after your wife for as long as you could, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Plus, when you made that promise, neither of you knew exactly how her condition would develop over time.

Care homes exist with the purpose of looking after people who need them, so she’s in the best place possible.

Talking about your feelings might help.

I’m sending you my support packs, How Counselling Can Help, which shows where to find someone local, and another on coping with guilt.