My lover's mad if he thinks telling the truth will get him a second chance | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my lover’s girlfriend found out about our affair, we made up a story to downplay our long-term and passionate liaison.

But the amount of pain that story caused has terrified me. What on earth will happen if she learns the whole truth?

I’m a 30-year-old woman and around nine months ago I bumped into an old college friend training in the park. He’s 31.

When I was 17, he was 18 and a nerd, with long hair and horrible blue glasses. But now he’s so fit.

After our 20-minute chat by the outdoor gym, he asked for my number and invited me out.

We met in a bar and had one drink before heading back to his. We both knew what we wanted.

The next morning, I woke up to find him pacing the other room.

He admitted he had a girlfriend, who he’d been with for three years.

I thought that would mean this would be a one-time thing, which would have been fine.

But then he said: “As long as you’re OK keeping this low-key, so am I.”

Ever since, we’ve been meeting at least once a week for sex.

It works well for me — I still get to date but am guaranteed a good night in with him too.

Last week he said his girlfriend suspected something.

She’d seen a condom wrapper in the bin and asked why he’d used one.

He wanted to confess to her, which I thought was a stupid idea. Why ruin a perfectly good relationship?

So we settled on telling her we’d slept together once. I thought she’d easily get over this — I would.

But she must have got my number from his phone.

She rang me sobbing and screaming, and said she’s planning to kick him out.

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Unbelievably, he thinks if he is totally honest with her, she might give him a second chance.

What do you think? I don’t want to be the reason he loses her.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You won’t be the reason he loses her. This man risked his relationship – not you.

They need to decide for themselves if they want to work on their relationship and while they do, you’d be best off giving him a wide berth.

You persuaded yourself you’d be happy sneaking around but have been shocked by the impact of this behaviour.

You are clearly uncomfortable with being a part of any hurt.

Rather than spend time with someone emotionally unavailable, ask yourself why you are avoiding a real connection.

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Have you been hurt before, or do you feel unworthy of real love?

Perhaps some counselling could help deal with any unresolved issues. Contact tavistockrelationships.org.

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