My boyfriend wants me to initiate sex – but turns me down every time I do

DEAR DEIDRE: HE complains that I never initiate sex but any time I try, my boyfriend turns me down. I can’t win.

He’s 29, I’m 27 and we’ve been together for the past two years.

Recently, just as we had finished being intimate, he complained that it’s always down to him to get things going in bed.


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He’s not wrong. But that’s because whenever I try to make the first move, he’s always got an excuse.

Sometimes he says he’s too tired. Or the weather is too hot. Other days, he just doesn’t want to.

All these refusals are affecting my confidence. So I’ve ended up waiting for him to get things started instead.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner is giving you mixed messages but he might not even realise this.

You need to talk to him about why you no longer initiate. But it also sounds like you may have fallen into a sex rut, following the same routine every time.

Both of you should write down various things you would like to try – it could be role play, for instance, or sharing sexy massages – and put them in a jar.

Taking turns choosing one means you will have to take turns getting things started too.

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