I'm 'straight' but have been with women, writes JANA HOCKING

I’m ‘straight’ but have been with women and enjoyed it, writes JANA HOCKING, which begs the question… aren’t we all just a little bit gay?

  • Jana is straight but has had crushes on – and spent the night with – women
  • She believes sexuality is a spectrum; very few are entirely straight or gay 
  • This is off the back of many women leaving their husbands to be with women
  • READ MORE:  Woman, 37, who left ‘dream husband’ after realizing she was gay 

Question… aren’t we all just a little bit gay?

I ask that after recent events – and countless female celebrities and socialites leaving their husbands for a woman – have had me thinking the answer is 90% yes.

I was at after work drinks with a few friends, and it was happy hour so you know the conversation got good. (Side note: when did a $12 cocktail become a bargain?). We were reflecting on shows like Euphoria and Sex Education that have openly gay and bisexual storylines and saying what a shame it was we didn’t have shows like that when we were teenagers.

We started wondering if our own dating lives would have been a slightly more colourful tale if it wasn’t so taboo when we were growing up. Oh what freedom we would have felt to step outside our normal sexual preference and experiment a little.

Chat to any teenager these days and they couldn’t give a hoot if someone was gay, straight or somewhere in between.

Jana Hocking has had three crushes on women in her lifetime and slept with one

And I think we adults are slowly catching on. It took me till my 30s to be brave enough to experiment.

You see, in my 39 years of living I’ve had approximately one hundred million crushes on guys… and three crushes on women.

The first one took me by surprise a few years ago as I experienced flutters somewhere I never normally experience flutters for a female. (We’re talking ‘downstairs’ people).

I was at a resort pool sunbaking with friends when a very attractive Brazilian couple jumped in the pool in front of us. We all commented on how good looking they were, but I just couldn’t take my eyes off the girl.

She had this confidence and curves that kinda made you feel a bit va va voom inside. I’m not gay, but at that moment I wasn’t entirely straight.

Then mid-lockdown I found myself in another predicament. I had just broken up with a guy I had been in a horrible situationship with for far too long and was in need of a distraction. Fast.

READ MORE: Sophie Cachia discovered she loved having sex with women. Her AFL star husband was supportive – but also suicidal

It was during that mid-lockdown break where we were all allowed to go out again (sheesh that didn’t last long). I was at a bar with a friend who is a very loud and proud bisexual. She said a friend who she sometimes hooks up with would be joining us. In walked her friend and she had those Marilyn Monroe vibes. We ended up drinking far too much champagne and ended up back at the friends house very, very tipsy.

Before I knew it, the friend was making moves on me and I didn’t hate it. Perhaps it was the distraction I needed. It was so outside my usual ‘type’ I decided to just go with it.

Jump forward to the next morning and I woke up with a very sore head and someone sleeping next to me. At first I freaked out, but once the I let what happened sink in, I was actually quietly chuffed that I had given it a go.

In all honesty, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I would have with a man, but perhaps that was first time jitters? I remember having absolutely no idea what to do.

The third time I got a crush on a woman was a couple of months ago. I met her through a friend and there was just this spark. Not like my normal girlfriends who I feel nothing but lovely friendly vibes with. This was something more. She was having a laugh about a crazy night out she had recently and ended up kissing a girl and I remember thinking – if the opportunity presented itself, I would go there.

questioning everything rn #matildas #samkerr #fifaworldcup

Now I’m not going to act on this, because to be honest, for me it’s fun just having some sexual tension in the air. I almost don’t want to do anything about it because from experience, once I realise I can, I kinda lose interest. And deep down I know I’m going to end up with a guy. Annoyingly men just make me swoon a touch more.

It all sounds complicated… right!

I decided to ask my friends if they had ever experienced crushes on women before and five out of the six said yes. And yet all of us would confidently say we’re straight.

On Louis Theroux’s podcast Grounded and he was chatting to gay actor Miriam Margolyes. Louis is straight but mentioned ever so casually that as a teenager he was a ‘bit confused’ when he felt attracted to older boys at school.

He said, ‘I think like many, if not most straight men, I have not always been immune to a certain physical attraction to men, the idea of sexuality being on a spectrum makes sense to me and, as a young teenager, I remember once or twice getting crushes on older boys and feeling a bit confused by it.’

What resonated with me was the idea of sexuality being on a spectrum. You’re not definitely straight and you’re not definitely gay. Although you maybe wouldn’t identify yourself as bisexual or pansexual. Attraction can reside somewhere in between.

She doesn’t think she will sleep with a woman again, but hasn’t ruled it out

Thankfully a clever sexologist called Dr Alfred Kinsey developed something called the ‘Kinsey scale’ in response to the overwhelming amount of people who couldn’t really place themselves as gay, straight or otherwise.

The Kinsey scale is used to measure a person’s overall balance of heterosexuality and homosexuality and takes into account both sexual experience and psychosexual reactions. The scale ranges from 0 to 6, with 0 being completely heterosexual and 6 completely homosexual. And guess what… we all sit on it in various places.

If I were to look at my closest gay friend, I would say he sits at a very firm 6 on the scale. The idea of a naked woman literally makes him gag. I’ve got another friend who says she enjoys watching lesbian porn but is not at all interested in physically trying it out herself. So she’s placed herself around the 2-3 mark on the scale. I guess I’m a little further along because I have given the physical aspect a go. Although I’m not one hundred percent sure I would go there again. Maybe.

So, here’s to being ok with not defining who we are when it comes to sexuality. Good lord, it’s all the rage with Gen Z. Maybe we millennials just took a bit of extra time to clue on. If you’re straight but get a surprising wave of ‘va va voom’ for someone with the same bits and bobs as you, take a breath, chill and relax. We all do.

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