DEAR DEIDRE: MY 21-year-old daughter’s unplanned pregnancy has devastated me because I desperately want to have another baby myself.
Last night, she told me she is pregnant by her on/off boyfriend.
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She admitted she didn’t use contraception because she “was never careful with her ex, so didn’t think it could happen to her”.
She is selfish and careless, and I’m so angry with her.
I am 46. My partner and I have been trying to conceive for ten years without success.
I’ve had seven miscarriages, each one more painful than the last.
Now I’ve been told it is too late as I’m too old. We can’t afford IVF and it probably wouldn’t work anyway.
So I’m grieving for my own babies and for my fertility.
And yet my daughter, who doesn’t even want a baby, and is far too young and immature for one, gets pregnant without trying.
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It feels so unfair. She’s not sure if she is going to keep the baby or have an abortion.
Part of me wants her to have it so I can bring it up.
DEIDRE SAYS: Fate can be cruel. Your daughter has the one thing you most want, so your anger and hurt are natural.
But this is her baby, not yours. What she chooses to do must, ultimately, be her decision.
Please give her my support pack, Unplanned Pregnancy, which outlines her choices.
If she does have the baby, you might find fulfilment in being a wonderful gran.
It would really help you to talk to a counsellor about your feelings. My support pack on Counselling explains how to access one.
The Miscarriage Association (miscarriageassociation.org.uk, 01924 200 799) can support you, too.
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