DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I walk down the aisle this August . . . I’ll be wishing I was marrying someone else.
My head knows the man I’m due to wed is good for me, but my heart is being broken by my long-term lover.
I’m 28 and have had an on/off relationship with my lover for ten years. He’s a friend of my sister’s and my family have never approved of him so we only ever met in secret.
But he broke my heart when he dumped me for another woman. It took me ages to recover, but I blocked him, deleted him from all my social media and managed to pull myself together.
I met my fiancé, who is 31, four years ago, and felt happy again. He is kind, handsome and clever. But soon after we got engaged, my ex, who is 30, got back in touch.
He said the woman he left me for had treated him like dirt and he bitterly regretted breaking up with me. I should have known not to trust him. Over the next couple of months I discovered lie after lie.
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First he said he was single (he was actually with someone), secondly he said it wasn’t serious (he’d asked her to get married) and thirdly he tried to hide her pregnancy with his first child. All the while I let him wheedle his way back into my life.
We met for a coffee but I was so taken aback with how he’d matured — he seemed stronger, more self-assured that I felt myself falling for him all over again.
We ended up having sex in the back of his campervan. It sounds seedy but it was so exciting at the time. We’ve had sex several times since but after his baby daughter was born he hardly messaged and isn’t keen on meeting.
I’m trying to move on but my heart just isn’t in the wedding and we hardly have sex these days. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your poor fiancé deserves better. You need to decide properly if you can sort through the issues in your relationship or whether you need to walk away from it and call the wedding off.
You will only be able to give your engagement a proper chance if you completely cut ties with your ex.
He has lied to you repeatedly and has proven he isn’t worthy of your trust.
Be honest with yourself and you will work out what is best for you and your fiancé.
The more you focus on your relationship the better chance you have of making a success of it.
As difficult as this decision seems now, it would be far worse to marry the wrong man. Good luck.
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