DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has always been open about the fact she enjoys male company and all her friends are blokes, which I accepted.
But I have discovered these friendships seem to be more about sexual attention and virtual hook-ups.
On one rare occasion she forgot her phone while dashing out to work. So I took the opportunity to go through her messages.
She was flirting with several “mates” and treating them to photos of herself semi-naked.
We have been together for almost two years, but I am not sure I can be with her much longer. I am 24 and she is 23.
I do love her, but she is outrageously flirty. After my discovery, she freaked out and said I had no right to spy on her.
I shouldn’t have looked but she was acting really weird. I couldn’t help but be suspicious.
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
- Dear Deidre on Sex
- Dear Deidre on Relationships
- Dear Deidre on Marriage
- Dear Deidre on Family
- Dear Deidre on Parenting
- Dear Deidre on Grief
She apologised, insisting none of it mattered and she only ever had virtual sex. She promised it wouldn’t happen again.
We agreed that she would remove the guys from her contacts and social media to help me rebuild my trust in her.
My trust hasn’t returned fully despite it being six months since she last did it. This situation is giving me anxiety and insecurities over our relationship.
I checked her phone again recently, which I hated doing, and found that she has a new list of guy mates she is messaging.
Again, several messages were sexual. Some exchanges were really explicit.
I can’t view most of the messages as it would give it away that I’ve been through her phone.
I don’t know whether to confront her about this issue head-on or wait until I have something concrete and raise it with her again.
DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder you feel anxious.
Don’t try to police her phone, nobody likes a snoop, but she shouldn’t expect you to accept her flirting and infidelity with other guys.
Maybe she enjoys making you jealous. If so, it is not a happy dynamic. Her need for male attention suggests deep insecurities.
Tell her firmly that making this sort of virtual sexual contact can be just as hurtful as physical cheating.
She must stop behaving like this and any communications with other guys should be clearly friendly, rather than flirty or sexy, so she is happy to share them with you.
Say that if she does it again you will see it as ending your relationship. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you be clear with her.
NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My partner won't introduce me to his son – I feel like his dirty little secret
READ DEIDRE'S NEW PHOTO CASEBOOK Chloe tells Kelly she is pregnant but Toby isn't delighted
Source: Read Full Article