DEAR DEIDRE: HEARING my husband’s voice as he picked up his young lover, planned days out and even booked a dirty weekend away broke up our marriage.
I accidentally discovered his affair when I played back some dash cam footage. All of a sudden, I started to hear his sweet nothings to her. I even heard their steamy kisses and groping in the car.
At the time, I was going through a lot.
My dad was very ill and died a few months later.
This happened two years ago and I’ve tried to forgive him. But I’m struggling to properly move on.
He initially denied he was cheating but when I presented him with the footage, he reluctantly came clean.
Their affair had been going on for six months and at 29, she was much younger than him.
I am 54 and my husband is 55.
We have been married for 28 years and have two grown-up daughters.
I thought we had a healthy marriage — and strong compared to many of our friends who are now divorced.
He moved back in with his parents, broke up with his mistress and we managed to patch things up.
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Though it seems like we are OK on the surface, I have never really been able to get over the fact he thought so little of me.
Recently I was tidying some drawers in our bedroom and discovered a birthday card signed by another woman, with kisses and love hearts. I couldn’t believe it.
I was trembling as I put the card back in the envelope.
I would never send a married man a card like this.
Am I right to be suspicious?
Is my husband having another affair and is this from the same girl?
I am tormented by these thoughts, as I still love my husband.
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DEIDRE SAYS: There is no way to make this OK without confronting your husband and bringing your latest discovery out into the open.
There could be a simple explanation for this. He might simply have forgotten it was in his drawer from years ago.
Stay calm and tell him what you found. He needs to answer the many questions this fresh discovery throws up.
There is no excuse for your husband cheating on you.
Rebuilding trust after such a betrayal is hard and you can’t heal your hurt alone.
Your husband will have to work to save your marriage too.
Give yourself time to re-evaluate things and count the long-term positives of your marriage against the raw shock of this discovery.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? should help.
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