If you recently felt a tremble in the universe, that was just because Chrissy Teigen tweeted her candy preferences, and Twitter subsequently sounded every alarm known to humankind. Which Skittle is the best Skittle? Do different colored gummy bears actually taste different? What does model-author-chef-tv personality-Twitter queen-human embodiment of “life goals” Chrissy Teigen have to say about all of this? If it’s answers you seek, read on. But be warned! Once you learn what Chrissy has to say about her favorite candy flavors, you will never be able to mindlessly munch on a gummy bear again.
It all started when Chrissy Teigen made this decree on Twitter: “The best gummy bear is the clear gummy bear. This isn’t up for debate. You either agree or you’re wrong.” It was the tweet that launched 1.7 thousand comments. If you don’t speak fluent candy, clear gummy bears are usually the pineapple flavored ones. If you speak even a little bit of internet, you know people have some feelings about pineapple and where it does and does not belong.
Many of the responses to this initial Twitter/candy mini-manifesto were either Camp “NO NOT PINEAPPLE WHY PLEASE NO” or Camp “Thank you, Lord Chrissy. I have been vindicated. *dissipates into pineapple dust*”. However, Chrissy Teigen was not finished. Nay, she had more controversial candy thoughts to tweet into the universe.
“The best skittle is purple followed closely by red,” Chrissy tweeted next as if that wouldn’t completely destroy the universe. As if that wouldn’t lead to chaos and wars and people dumping out their Skittles. As if PURPLE IS ACTUALLY THE BEST? (I told myself I wouldn’t get caught up in the madness, but if I don’t defend the green Skittle, who will?)
If you thought she was done there, this must be your first Internet. Chrissy Teigen went on to tweet about everything from which Airhead flavor reigns supreme to which Jolly Rancher is the best to, of course, the best flavor of Starburst. (Don’t worry, she said: “pink, obviously.”) Basically, candy stans and the people who run candy brands’ social media accounts were very busy that day.
Here is the conclusive list of which candy flavors are the best among fruity candies, according to Chrissy Teigen’s Twitter spree.
- Best Gummy Bear: the clear one (AKA pineapple)
- Best Skittle: purple with red as a close second
- Best Starburst: pink “obviously”
- Best Mamba: raspberry “followed closely by strawberry”
- Best Sour Patch Kid: red
- Best Airhead: white mystery flavor. (Note: some sites claims the “mystery flavor” is actually just the mixed-together leftovers from other flavor batches, sans food coloring. Thus, the flavor changes from batch to batch. Others have approximated the flavor as “white cherry” or “white apple.”)
- Best Jolly Rancher: watermelon
- Honorary mention: FROOTIES, the fruit flavored Tootsie Rolls that look like leftover rations from the 1800s.
Still, Chrissy was not finished. She needed to deliver one final blow: “I’m trying to think of an instance when yellow or orange is good in the candy world.” She then agreed with one Twitter user that orange Tic Tacs are the exception to the yellow/orange rule.
So, if you’re looking for something benign to argue about at the holidays, why not make your family pick a side when it comes to candy flavors. Instead of saying grace, just scream "I THINK CANDY CORN IS GOOD ACTUALLY." Say that you’ll only give people their gifts if they agree that Golden Oreos are the worst Oreos. Take caroling as an opportunity to loudly proclaim which flavor of jelly bean is the best. (Say “popcorn.” I dare you.) If Chrissy can do it, so can you.
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