CHOOSING a name for your baby can suddenly welcome all family members opinions.
For this woman, her mother-in-law took it too far.
Sharing her woes on Mumsnet, the mum wrote: "I’m pregnant with number three. Have used all the baby names we like up for boys on the first two,"
"There is one name I absolutely adore but it’s the name of my husband’s uncle.
"My mother-in-law does not speak to her brother (or any of that side of the family) and has said we can’t use it as it would make her uncomfortable."
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The reaction to her predicament was mixed, as some advised her to stick to the name while others told her to choose another.
She also later admitted that: "I feel a bit exhausted with all the drama and I don’t want this to escalate.
"On the other hand I genuinely want to call my baby this name and feel a bit sad/annoyed about it.
Commenters told her to: "Er tell your MIL to do one? This is the woman who didn't come to your wedding because she didn't approve of you and didn't speak to you for months? Why should you care at all what she thinks of anything to do with your life?
You owe her nothing. Call your baby whatever you want, if she has an issue with that, that is her problem!"
Other fellow parents shut her down saying: "She (mother-in-law) can’t veto a name but your husband can. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to support you using it.
They asked her why she was still considering the name if her husband had already asked her not to.
She then explained that her husband loves the name too, however: "He just doesn’t want to argue with his mother about it but I think he would if I pushed it."
"I just don’t want to cause friction but I’m not sure if it’s actually unnecessary friction if you see what I mean as I do really want to use the name and equally I just don’t think she has the right to tell me what to do."
Many thought it changed things when the name they wanted to use was the name of a living relative, but she reassured them that: "The baby would most likely never meet this guy or mix with that part of the family so I don’t think it’s weird to have same name/even if he did because the situation is resolved (v unlikely) the uncle would love it."
Others told her to keep her boundaries firm because if she let her mother-in-law have a different name for the baby, it would be a green light to let her further interfere with their lives.
The poster explained that this name is: "a 10/10. The other options are like 8/10 or less and I’m not sure how I feel about naming my child a second or third choice name for this woman if you see what I mean?
"She’s really been quite unkind to me personally. I have tried to move on from that but I just don’t know how reasonable she is being here and if I want to give up this name for her.
Some were confused why she was so devoted to the name and she explained: "I’m very a much a “use my wedding China every day as I don’t want to use my second favourite” type person!"
The worried mum said her mother-in-law's previous behaviour complicates things as she now feels she is always walking on eggshells.
Some told her she may not know the real reason her mother-in-law feel so anti the name and that she may not know the full story behind her objections.
Another made the point that the entire 'uncomfortable' situation would taint the name for them and that their baby does not need the 'baggage' that comes with the controversial name.
Many encouraged the nervous mum to put the name they wanted on his birth certificate and to give him a nickname to please her mother-in-law, a win-win.
Most posters agreed that ultimately, the only people who have the right of veto their babies name are her and her husband.
The couple finally chose to not use the name.
She explained that her husband said he would feel uncomfortable using the name, despite saying before this pregnancy he loves the name.
"I personally think he just doesn’t want to have an argument with his mother so there we go." She added.
After 340 messages, the poster finally revealed the name, saying: "Uncle is called Raphael. Second choice name is Rafferty."
All the worry may have been for nothing as she later told the forum: "It might make everyone laugh to know that my husband then told her our choice of name/our thoughts for middle names and she actually had the audacity and total lack of irony to ask us why we couldn’t use a meaningful name eg after a family member.
"I am not even joking. I am now completely finished making any effort!"
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