A FORMER contestant of Australia's Next Top Model has slammed the fashion industry after posting a before-and-after topless photo of her body weight struggles.
Taylah Roberts, 24, appeared on the eighth series of the show and has now taken to Instagram to reveal the how her aspirations to become a model left her in a "dark place".
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxZotT7AOIX/
❗️TW❗️All I see in the photo on the left is sadness, exhaustion, insecurity and lack of worth beyond size. This is what an industry only focusing on what your outer shell looks like does to you. Especially to someone that is not supposed to be that small, I was always always fighting to stay that way. Terrified that in an instant my dreams would be ripped away from me if the number on a measuring tape had increased by half an inch. I feel blessed to have almost fully recovered from this dark place I once called home but I still get glimpses of it and it’s usually around this time of year.. Fashion week.I see past the glossy backstage images of playful smiles, toned fit bodies, the most elite of the industry and remember the 5am wake ups, your face prodded with makeup all day, on and off until your eyes are bloodshot and can’t take it anymore. Your hair is pulled, curled, straightened, gelled, brushed, broken, extensions put in then ripped out, handled like it’s not attached to a person underneath. If you don’t smoke already now is the time to contemplate it, maybe that will make me not want to eat the sweets put out whilst I stand around in a bikini, waiting to be pushed onstage in shoes that are 2 sizes too small. These are just half the physical limits you’re pushed to don’t get me started on the emotional ones. Being told “if you’re not opening or closing the show that you’re just a filler.” Feeling humiliated in a room full of models when the castings director doesn’t even bother to look up from his desk when you’ve waited in line for hours. Comparing yourself to every single other girl and racking your brain as to why you didn’t book the show that you’ve always wanted.Questioning if it was my walk, am I not pretty enough, I must not be thin enough, I’m definitely not good enough. And this is only in Australia! Where it’s deemed “not as serious,” “not as bad” and “chill in comparison to FW overseas.” I cast for couture one show season in Paris and I thank fuck I didn’t book any of those shows. Don’t get me wrong there were some highlights, some smiles and memories shared with friends but all the shit that comes with it outweighs those moments CONT.
A post shared byTAYLAH ROBERTS (@taylahroberts1) on
Posting the side-by-side shot on social media, Taylah wrote: “All I see in the photo on the left is sadness, exhaustion, insecurity and lack of worth beyond size.
“This is what an industry only focusing on what your outer shell looks like does to you.”
The model explained that during the height of her struggle, she was petrified of gaining even half an inch, citing the fashion industry as the reason why her health declined.
"To someone that is not supposed to be that small, I was always always fighting to stay that way," she revealed.
"Terrified that in an instant my dreams would be ripped away from me if the number on a measuring tape had increased by half an inch.
"I feel blessed to have almost fully recovered from this dark place I once called home but I still get glimpses of it and it’s usually around this time of year. Fashion week.
“I see past the glossy backstage images of playful smiles, toned fit bodies, the most elite of the industry and remember the 5am wake ups, your face prodded with makeup all day, on and off until your eyes are bloodshot and can’t take it anymore.
"If you don’t smoke already now is the time to contemplate it, maybe that will make me not want to eat the sweets put out whilst I stand around in a bikini, waiting to be pushed onstage in shoes that are 2 sizes too small.
"These are just half the physical limits you’re pushed to don’t get me started on the emotional ones.
"Being told 'if you’re not opening or closing the show that you’re just a filler.'
"Feeling humiliated in a room full of models when the castings director doesn’t even bother to look up from his desk when you’ve waited in line for hours.
"Comparing yourself to every single other girl and racking your brain as to why you didn’t book the show that you’ve always wanted."
https://www.instagram.com/p/BwUEHZXBjE_/
6 years ago I would have never thought we would be where we are today. You’re my biggest inspiration and my biggest support?✨? But when we first met being unhappy was our normal, thinking we constantly needed to lose more weight to achieve happiness was our normal and binging every night out of self hatred and restriction was our normal. And the worst most normal thing about it was that we never spoke a word to each other about our struggles. It was a cycle that I truly believed I would never get out of. I wish we were able to speak about our eating disorders but honestly there was nobody talking about body positivity or anything other than being thin or having a “bikini body.” I was so wrapped up in my own eating disorder to even know or realise that Megan was making herself sick multiple times a day. I believed I was completely alone, I felt so isolated and thought I was going to go insane when week by week after starving myself again, I was told to lose another inch off my hips if I wanted to be successful. Today after many years of recovery here we are in all our glory, heavier than we’ve ever been but also happier than we’ve ever been. Now realising that the weight we’ve gained was necessary for our bodies and for our sanity. This weight is from our fondest memories. Sharing a meal with our friends minus the guilt, the one too many red wines and that slice of birthday cake shared with such love and laughter. Freedom lies in saying “fuck you” to diet culture and not letting food, a number on a scale or a measuring tape rule your life. We are the change that I’ve always wanted to see✊?✨ if we can do it, you can too. #bodyconfidence #dietculture #eatingdisorderrecovery #mentalhealth #selflove
A post shared byTAYLAH ROBERTS (@taylahroberts1) on
Taylah explained she would constantly question whether she was as thin as she could be, admitting she always felt she wasn't "good enough".
“After years of feeling unworthy and left with a lot of work to do to get to the place I am now, I’ll take my health, happiness and my size 12/14 a** over EVER feeling like that again!” She continued.
In a post earlier this year to mark Eating Disorder Awareness Week, Taylah shared another before-and-after, updating followers on her own mental health battle.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Buim5o5B66V/
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME?✨ And what a wild ride to 24 it has been. This week is Eating disorder awareness week and I wanted to remind people that eating disorders come in all different forms. Just because someone doesn’t typically “look” like they have an illness doesn’t mean that is what’s true. The media portrays ED’s as frail young girls with anorexia and discards other disordered eating like bulimia & restricting/binging where you wouldn’t typically be able to tell there is a problem from the outside. For years I was in that restrict/binge cycle that I couldn’t escape, the world as i knew it didn’t exist without it and I was in denial for far too long, especially to myself. I didn’t want to believe that I needed help and when you have people around you telling you how good you look and how much weight you’ve lost all the time it’s difficult to come to terms with it as your constantly being applauded. I finally escaped the cycle through surrounding myself with the right people, unfollowing all diet culture. Removing myself from an industry that subjected me to it and started practising self love and acceptance. There are still some days where i struggle but everyday I get better and stronger and closer to being completely free from all diet culture temptations. Reaching out for help is scary at first but you will always thank yourself in the long run. Beauty is what lies inside of you, your heart and soul and the light that shines when you do something you’re really passionate about. It’s not about your body, what you weigh or what number is on the tag of your clothes, try to remind yourself of this and you will have already taken the first step on the road to recovery✨ #eatingdisorderawarenessweek
A post shared byTAYLAH ROBERTS (@taylahroberts1) on
"For years I was in that restrict/binge cycle that I couldn’t escape, the world as i knew it didn’t exist without it and I was in denial for far too long, especially to myself," she wrote.
"I didn’t want to believe that I needed help and when you have people around you telling you how good you look and how much weight you’ve lost all the time it’s difficult to come to terms with it as your constantly being applauded.
"I finally escaped the cycle through surrounding myself with the right people, unfollowing all diet culture.
"Removing myself from an industry that subjected me to it and started practising self love and acceptance."
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw1kRhCBeFF/
No one else I’d rather be dragged out of retirement by than you @jhair_stylist ?#london #model #makeupgoals
A post shared byTAYLAH ROBERTS (@taylahroberts1) on
Explaining that she still has bad days, Taylah revealed she has almost fully recovered from succumbing to diet culture.
"There are still some days where I struggle but everyday I get better and stronger and closer to being completely free from all diet culture temptations," she wrote.
"Reaching out for help is scary at first but you will always thank yourself in the long run.
"Beauty is what lies inside of you, your heart and soul and the light that shines when you do something you’re really passionate about.
"It’s not about your body, what you weigh or what number is on the tag of your clothes, try to remind yourself of this and you will have already taken the first step on the road to recovery."
For help and supporting regarding eating disorders, please visit the Beat website.
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