Hollyoaks star Kirsty-Leigh Porter pays tribute to her stillborn baby

Hollyoaks star Kirsty-Leigh Porter pays tribute to her ‘sleeping angel’ baby girl who was stillborn… as she says her ‘heart will never be whole again’

  • Kirsty-Leigh, 30, was devastated when her baby was stillborn on December 21 
  • Penny-Leigh Barber was just 29 weeks and 3 days when she came into the world
  • The actress said she and her fiancé Paul, 41, have ‘never felt pain like it’
  • The Hollyoaks star’s fellow cast members and fans sent her their love and prayers as she revealed the tragic news via her Instagram page on Tuesday

Hollyoaks star Kirsty-Leigh Porter paid tribute to her much-loved baby daughter who was sadly stillborn.

The 30-year-old shared a moving picture of a mother holding a child with angel wings on Instagram on Wednesday as she wrote about losing her baby, Penny-Leigh. 

She penned: ‘I am posting this for Penny-Leigh, I am posting this for every single woman and man who have messaged me with their stories of their sleeping angels, (I have read every single one and still messaging back).

Sad: Hollyoaks star Kirsty-Leigh Porter has paid tribute to her ‘sleeping angel’ baby girl who was stillborn in December… as she said her ‘heart will never be whole again’

‘I am posting this for anyone who needs to see it, I am posting this with strength that our babies will not be forgotten. I am posting this with the strength of every single person who has messaged me who understands what it’s like, in the hope that you understand you are not alone. 

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‘And I am here for you. I wrote this when I had just lost my baby girl Penny-Leigh…’

She continued: ‘My heart physically aches, it is in a million pieces and whilst they try to find their way back together it’s no use as my heart will never be whole again, because when you left, a big piece of it left with you and will always be with you wherever you are. 

‘Nothing makes sense anymore because I can’t hold you in my arms. I don’t get to see your first smile, your first wriggle, I don’t get to dress you, change your nappy, feed you, bath you, kiss you goodnight and hug you in the morning, watch you take your first steps, watch you grow, But I will always be your mummy. 

Heartbroken: The soap star told sadly revealed in last month that her daughter Penny-Leigh Barber arrived on December 21 last year at just 29 weeks and 3 days old

‘I will always do you proud. As unbelievable grief consumes me and this dark cloud sticks above me, I still have your light to guide me. The brightest star in the sky. 

‘Oh my darling Penny-Leigh, my beautiful little girl, You came into our life like a whirlwind and now all of sudden it’s gone. Quiet and still, completely numb. All our plans, our future, snatched away in a moment that we can never go back too and change. 

‘My mind can’t comprehend how I have given birth yet my baby is not here with me. How is that ok? How is that ever going to be ok? People say “she was too good for this earth” but that would mean there was a reason you are not still here with your mummy and daddy, and I don’t think there is any reason for it.

‘How can being anywhere but in our arms better for you? With the overwhelming grief comes GUILT. If I’m not a heap on the bathroom floor hiding myself away crying, I am wondering aimlessly around the room with GUILT.’ 

The soap actress and her partner of three years, Paul, 41, revealed the sad news that their daughter passed away on December 21 last year at just 29 weeks and 3 days old.

Devastating: Kirsty-Leigh has revealed her baby girl was stillborn and said she ‘never felt pain like it’ in a heartbreaking statement

Saying she had ‘never felt pain like it’, Kirsty-Leigh shared a picture which showed a card she had received from the NHS following her devastating loss.

She wrote in the post: ‘Our beautiful baby girl, Penny-Leigh Barber was born sleeping on the 21st of December 2018 at 6.49am, 29 weeks & 3 days young. 

‘My heart has never felt pain like it. Sleep sweetly our angel. We will always love you. Love your Mummy & Daddy My Everything.’ 

Kirsty-Leigh’s followers sent her their love and prayers following the tragic news, including some of her co-stars.  

Rory Douglas-Speed, who plays Joel Dexter on Hollyoaks, wrote: ‘All the love to you both’.  

Daisy Wood-Davis (Kim Butterfield actress), commented: ‘So much love mate xxxxxx.’ 

In November, the Channel 4 soap favourite had told OK! magazine she was expecting her first child with her fiancé. 

She told the magazine: ‘You just feel everything at once. With acting, you don’t know when you’re okay to be like: “Let’s take a year out and do this”. 

‘You’re just prepared when it happens, and we’re so happy it’s happened for us now.’

Kirsty-Leigh, who plays Leela Lomax on the soap, has found The One in partner Paul. 

Romance:  She said of her romance with partner Paul, 41, ‘something just clicked’

She said: ‘Something just clicks. If you’re in a relationship and it’s not working then you find yourself having to try. With him, it’s just not like that.

‘We make an effort but it’s not hard work – it’s just so natural and effortless. I think that’s when you know it’s love, because every day you wake up and you’re happy.’

Paul added: ‘I didn’t believe in all that ‘when you know, you know’ stuff until I met Kirsty.’

The couple hope to marry soon, although Kirsty-Leigh admitted the pair haven’t ‘made any plans as yet’.

She continued: ‘Paul does get in these little love bubbles sometimes, saying: “I just want to marry you now”.’

Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity) supports anyone affected by the death of a baby. Call their Freephone helpline on 0808 164 3332, email [email protected]

Loved up: Kirsty-Leigh has previously said that while the couple plan to marry soon, they haven’t ‘made any plans as yet’ 

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