If you’re following The Bachelorette Spoilers, you already know how this season ends. But even so, the Men Tell All special was a real treat for the Bachelor Nation.
But it was also awkward, and not just for Becca. Colton Underwood’s famous virginity came up.
Now, he’s revealing how he really felt about about the discussion, and how the conversation surrounding his v-card “triggered something.”
Entertainment Tonight spoke to Colton Underwood about his virginity and the discourse surrounding it.
“Some comments caught me off guard and really triggered something in me and I felt like I spoke my truth tonight,” Colton said.
“It took a lot of self-restraint to stay seated,” he admits, referring to Jean Blanc’s comment.
“I can’t even understand where that comment comes from,” Colton says. “And in the manner that it came off was so disrespectful.”
Some people are uncomfortable with the sexual choices of others and lash out. Some people … just can’t resist trolling, unfortunately.
Colton says that he understands that not everyone can wrap their head around why a handsome, famous adult man might not have had sex yet.
“I can respect that they have their opinion,” Colton says.
“I hope that at least I started a dialogue and I started a conversation in which they can understand what makes me, me,” he states.
“And I’m not here to prove a point,” Colton notes, adding: “I’m not here to defend myself, I’m not here to say I’m better than anybody else.”
Having sex or not having it is a personal choice, and should never be grounds to attack someone else. Not for having a thousand partners and not for having zero.
“What I am here to do is be true to who I am, and The Bachelorette has helped me do that,” Colton says. “So I can’t thank them enough.”
“This has been so good for me and so therapeutic for me,” he adds.
Even Chris Harrison observed that there’s a huge and gendered double-standard when it comes to virginity.
“There’s a double standard, isn’t there?” Chris noted.
“Why is it different that when a woman talks about it,” Chris notes, referring to a decision to remain a virgin. “It’s respected.
“And then,” Chris continues. “When a guy talks about it, he should be shamed?”
The answer is that patriarchal cultural values encourage men to make sexual “conquests” while women are seen as property. That is changing, but underlying prejudices and double-standards still linger.
Conversely, men who have had a lot of sex are likely to be praised. Women who have had a lot of sex are more likely to be insulted.
“We will probably be talking about this now because of Colton,” Chris says, crediting Colton for starting a nationwide conversation.
Colton says that, behind the scenes, the response has been overwhelming and positive.
“I can’t tell you how many athletes and players and former teammates have reached out to me,” Colton says.
They made contact, Colton explains, “and said, ‘Man, I wish I knew you were going through this.'”
“‘I was going through something similar.’ And for me to hear that means the world,” Colton explains. “Because that is where I felt the deepest and the darkest is at those times.”
There is something very toxic going on in the world if adult men feel pressured to lie about their sex lives in order to appease their peers.
Colton isn’t planning on avoiding sex forever — or even until marriage.
Colton says that he is “waiting for the right heart.”
That is such a good way of putting it.
“It sounds a little cheesy,” Colton admits. “I’m waiting for someone to match my intensity, someone that’s going to be into me as much as I am into them.”
He’s saving his v-card for “somebody that I am so madly in love with and that I can share that special moment with.”
Virginity is a social construct with varying definitions, but that doesn’t mean that people aren’t allowed to find it significant. This is very sweet.
“That’s what I’m waiting for,” Colton explains. “And that’s what I’m looking forward to.”
Colton Underwood also took to Instagram to reflect upon the conversation about what he has or has not done sexually.
“Behind my smile are layers of insecurities, scars from my past, & feelings that have been buried for years,” Colton begins.
“It’s easy to show only the good/happy times on social media,” he writes. “I do that.”
“I love shedding light on positive/impactful events in my life, but the truth is I have had struggles,” Colton confesses. “For years I hid my feelings, including depression & anxiety.”
“You see a portion of my life and a select few scenes that help portray a picture of who I am,” he cautions his followers.
“I’m here to tell you that I am not perfect,” Colton says. “And that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”
Colton says: “If I have to continue to take cheap shots about my virginity — which is only a small part of who I am — so that others like me can feel comfortable & relate — Bring it on!”
“While I didn’t plan on breaking down or speaking about my virginity on tonight’s episode,” Colton writes. “it is clearly something that I struggle talking about.”
“When I heard the comments made by some of the other guys,” Colton admits. “it triggered a response from me that was unexpected.”
Colton says: “While I respect their opinions, I’m not here to prove a point, say I’m better than anyone else, or gain sympathy.”
“It is what it is,” he writes. “my virginity shouldn’t have to be defended or used to describe me as a person.”
He’s right. Please be nice.
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