Chrissy Teigen is still mourning the heartbreaking pre-term loss of her and husband John Legend’s baby boy, Jack.
In a lengthy post shared to Instagram over the weekend, the 35-year-old cookbook author opened up about how she’s been struggling ever since she lost their third child due to multiple complications last fall.
“Just reminiscing about New York a lot lately, when things were simple, thinking about all the stuff I’ve done and been through not just this year but in my life. I’m slightly down lately,” Teigen’s caption read in part. “It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out ‘my third baby is here!!,’ as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here.”
“Then I realized I threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby,” she continued. “I don’t really feel like I fully processed Jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged. I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f**king complicated.”
A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen)
Teigen previously shared that writing Cravings: All Together, the third installment in her cookbook series, “quite literally saved” her amid heartbreak.
“It is incredibly hard to put into words what this book means to me. How do you come up with a funny, enticing caption for a book that quite literally saved you,” she wrote on Instagram earlier this month. “I didn’t have a theme in mind when we made this book – all I knew was I wanted a bright new energy, but I also needed comfort. I wanted to make recipes that would be timeless, food that brings joy to your belly, your household, those around you.”
“This book is reflective of everything I wanted and we needed as a family to bring into our home,” she added. “It is truly a piece of us, and I am so excited to share it with you.”
Back in February, Teigen also got candid about her traumatic pregnancy experience during a virtual appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
“I’m still in therapy about it and I’m still coming to terms with it in a way,” the model shared at the time. “I go through my closet and I see, there are outfits. There are full maternity clothes and things that I bought for my eighth month and my ninth month. So it’s just hard, because he would have been born this week. You look at those things and you have these constant reminders of him.”
“But being Thai and being raised in a house that was very open about loss, I think it was really helpful,” she continued. “I see it as, it can be a beautiful thing, and it was a really transformative thing for me. In a way he really saved me because I don’t think that I would have discovered therapy and then sobriety and this path of kind of really feeling good about myself and feeling like a new person.”
Hear more in the video below.
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